Lean On Me
by asdfghjklpoiuytrewqzxcvbnm
Summary: Soleil's spending the summer with her best friend from college Kim. Soleil usually seems happy but she's not really a 'sunny' person on the inside. Can a certain werewolf change that? JacobxOC HIATUS!
1. Embarrassing

**Yay i've got a new story. Another JacobxOC one. The events from Breaking Dawn haven't happened in this story except for Pauls imprinting. And it's like 3 years in the future. Tell me whatcha think. The title Lean On Me might be changed though.**

"Kim really what you're doing is amazing. I really can't impose."

"Oh please stop it already. You're staying with me and that's final. Now help me with these boxes," she said. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a few. She really was amazing. She was doing so much for me. I was extremely grateful.

"Kim seriously thank you. You don't even understand what this means to me," I said shoving the boxes into the trunk. "No problem. It's the least I can do," she said smiling sympathetically. "Well then that's it. Let's go," she said climbing into the car.

I followed her and started he car. I don't think she'd ever understand what she was doing for me. I just couldn't go back home. Not now. Not after I was doing so well. Being there would ruin my progress. Everyone would understand eventually. I just needed to stay far away for a while.

"Hey Soleil you alright?" Kim asked. "Hmm yeah. Why?" "You looked a little lost." "Oh yeah just daydreaming I explained. "Well keep your eyes on the road," she warned smiling. I nodded. Right. The road.

--

"Alright this one here," Kim said pointing to a small house. It looked basically the same as all the other ones on the block. Although the flowers out front were very pretty. "Wow I like the flowers," I said smiling. "Thank. Tell my mom she'll be so excited," she said smiling. We both got out of the car and she walked up to the front door.

"We're here!" she shouted into the house. A small woman and a man came from around the corner. "Kim," the lady said smiling. "Hi mom and dad," she said hugging them. Then a rather large boy came into view. My eyes widened at his size.

I assumed that was Jared. I'd heard so much about him and saw pictures but I never expected this. He pulled her into a big hug and held her tight. Aww how cute. Finally he let her go and she introduced me. I was getting a little tired of standing there awkwardly.

"Mom, dad, Jared. This is my very good friend Soleil," she said motioning towards me. Ugh I hated meeting new people. "Hi," I said nervously. "Hello sweetheart, I'm Lily and this is my husband Will," she said smiling at me. "Hi, thank you so much for letting me stay. You really don't know what this means to me," I said shaking there hands.

"No no any friend of Kim's is a friend of ours." I smiled. They seemed like genuinely nice people. "Hi I'm Soleil," I said holding my hand out to Jared. "Jared," he said shaking it then letting go quickly. Wow he had hot hands. "Uh alright let's go," he said. "You guys are leaving?" I asked.

"You're going too Soleil," she said to me. "But I haven't even unpacked and settled yet," I said unsurely. I knew living with Kim meant I'd have to meet her friends, but did that have to happen the first day I got here? "You've gotta meet the guys," Jared said heading for the door. "We'll take your bags to your room," Lily said. "Oh thank you," I said smiling as I was dragged out by Kim.

I slouched in the back seat and complained in my head. Come on Kim you know me to well for this.

--

"Alright you'll be fine," Kim said patting me on the back. "Right," I muttered. We walked up to the house and just went inside. Guess they were all that close. Which was gonna make it that much harder for me to fit in.

"Hey," Jared said standing in front of a very large group of guys. Large shirtless guys. Great. "This is Soleil," Kim said smiling. I looked at all their faces smiling. One face seemed a little more…special than the others though.

"Hi," I said shifting from foot to foot awkwardly. They all introduced themselves and I found out that the special boy was named Jacob. "Soleil? Like Cirque du Soleil?" Emily asked. I noticed her face. I wondered how that happened. "Uhm no, my mother just likes the name Soleil," I said shrugging.

I felt kinda weird. Kinda like I was being stared at. I tried to look around without them noticing. I locked eyes with Jacob. Yeah, he was staring at me. I blushed and looked away nervously. Everyone was talking happily but I could still kinda feel Jacob's gaze. The look he had on his eyes when looking at me was….strange.

"So you're staying for the whole summer?" Quil asked. "Yeah until me and Kim have to go back to school," I said quietly. "Why do you need a place to stay the whole summer?" the one named Paul asked. I froze. "Uhm-" "That's not really your business," Jacob said somewhat angrily.

All the guys…and Leah gave him a weird look. So did I. I was grateful for that but it was a little on the odd side seeing as the most I'd said to him was hi. I heard someone mutter Oh Boy under their breath. Oh boy what? Sam gave Emily a look and she looked surprised.

"Hey Kim and Soleil wanna help me with dinner?" she said walking to the kitchen. "Of course," I said hurrying behind her with Kim following.

"Alright Soleil why don't you chop up those tomatoes for me," Emily said. "Sure thing." I began chopping the tomatoes and tried not to talk to much. It was kinda weird. They were all nice people but I didn't really know them.

--

We were all eating dinner. Spaghetti. "So Soleil do you have any brothers and sisters?" Sam asked. I froze again. Kim gave me a sympathetic look. Pull yourself together Soleil. Do not fall apart. Be strong. "Uh yeah, I have a older brother and younger sister."

"What are their names?" Embry asked. I flinched inwardly. "Cain and Cecilia," I said. "Oh those are nice names," Emily said. She was very nice. I could tell she was trying hard to make me feel comfortable. "Soleil has a full scholarship," Kim said out of the blue. She was bragging.

"Oh really that's wonderful. What kind?" Emily asked. "Academic," I said shyly. Paul snickered. "Nerd." It didn't really bother me. I'd heard that many times. Jacob on the other hand didn't look to pleased. He punched Paul right in the face. I heard bones breaking. Ouch.

"Jake," Sam said rubbing his forehead. Everyone seemed pretty calm. Was I the only one a little worried. "Is everyone just gonna ignore the fact that he just him," I said pointing them out. "We're gonna try," Kim said. Right. Okay then. "I think you broke his nose," I said to Jacob. "He'll be fine," he said angrily.

He popped it back into place. Ew. "Maybe he should go to the doctor. You know just in case," I suggested. Everyone looked at me strangely. "I'm surprised you wanna help him after he insulted you," Quil said. "Nahh that wasn't a big deal, it's not like I've never heard that one," I said rolling my eyes.

"You should apologize," Jacob said to Paul. Paul grimaced then muttered, "Sorry." "Like I said it's alright," I said shrugging my shoulders. "But thank you," I said to Jacob. He smiled. Wow he was hot. Whoa stop thinking those things Soleil.

I smiled back. We looked…no gazed at each other smiling until Kim cleared her throat. I jumped a little and blushed. Way to make an impression. She shot me an accusing look and smirked. I rolled my eyes and continued eating trying to hide my embarrassment.

Paul started snickering and then they all burst out into laughter. I could die. "Come on Jared and Soleil let's go," Kim said standing up and smiling at me. I rolled my eyes. We said out goodbyes and got in the car. On the way home Jared kept looking at me through the rear-view and smiling. Why did everyone find it _that_ funny?

When we got back to Kim's place I hurried inside hoping not to witness and mushy goodbyes. I headed into Kim's room and saw my suit cases on what I presumed was my bed. I opened one, grabbed some pajamas, and changed. I could unpack tomorrow.

As I was crawling into bed Kim came in. "You like Jacob," she said in a sing-song voice. "Oh shut up no I don't," I said hiding under the covers. Of course I didn't like him. I barely knew the boy. "Sure," she said from the bathroom.

I grabbed my picture from my suitcase and help it close. "Going to bed I see," Kim said nodding toward the picture. "Yeah, I'm beat," I said. I glanced down at the photo but tried not to look for too long. Seeing our smiling faces was probably the highlight of my day.

"I miss you Grant," I said hugging the picture one more time before closing my eyes and falling asleep.


	2. Sand Castles

When I woke up the next morning I noticed Kim was still asleep. I looked at the small clock between us and saw it was 6:30. I yawned and rolled out of bed. I headed to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I hoped they wouldn't mind me making breakfast.

Kim's parent were the first ones up. They came into the kitchen looking sleepy in their robes. "Good morning," I said smiling brightly. They just stared at me. "I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind me making breakfast," I said biting my lip.

"Of course we don't sweetie," she said smiling.

"Oh here I made coffee," I said handing them each a mug.

"I could kinda get used to this. Soleil you came come stay with us whenever you want," Kim's father said taking a seat at the table. I smiled. This was nice. They apparently liked me. That was good.

"Well here you go," I said setting plates down in front of them. "I'm gonna go get Kim."

"Kim time to get up," I said from the doorway. She ignored me and pulled the covers over her head. I went over to the window and opened the curtains then proceeded to take the blanket off of her. "Fine fine I'm up," she said sighing in annoyance.

"Soleil you really outdid yourself," Lily praised. I guess I did go a little overboard. "This is a feast," Will added. I smiled happy that they liked it.

"So where are you from again?" Lily asked.

"Atlanta."

"Have any siblings?" William asked.

"An older brother and younger sister."

"How are your parents?"

"They're fine. They just wish I could've came for the summer," I replied. I'm sure they could feel the tension when I said this and they didn't pry any further.

I complimented Lily on the flowers. She was ecstatic and asked if it needed something more. I suggested a simple rose bush. She agreed. William was interested in all the classes I took and asked for in depth explanations. We all finished and I stood up to clean the dishes.

"Oh no you don't. Kim can handle this," Lily said pushing me away.

"But I made the mess. I can clean it up," I answered shaking my head.

"Don't worry honey. Kim will be fine. Right Kimmy?"

"Sure thing," she grumbled.

I shrugged and went to our room. I showered and started getting ready for the day. What were we going to do anyway? Kim came into the room and answered my question. "It's a pretty nice day so let's go the beach."

"Who's gonna be there?"

"Everyone," she said smiling.

_Oh joy._

_--_

"Come on Soleil!" Kim shouted from the water.

"But I can't swim," I said for the 100th time.

"We're not even in that deep," she said rolling her eyes. The others were snickering at me. Again.

"I refuse to get in," I said shaking my head. I was not getting in that water.

"Fine sit out there all by yourself," she said sticking her tongue out. I did the same.

"I'll sit out with you," Jacob said.

"No you don't have to. Really. Go have fun," I said motioning to the water. I wasn't going to make him suffer because I was afraid of dying in the water.

"I'd rather stay here," he said plopping down next to me.

He seemed really nice, and he'd rather sit here with me than go in the water. I felt obliged to thank him.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"No problem, but you really can't swim," he asked raising a eyebrow.

"No," I snapped. I mean it was embarrassing and I was sick of repeating it.

"Sorry," he said sadly.

Great now I felt bad. I was about to apologize to him when I was picked up and launched into the water. "AH!" I screamed. SPLASH! Kim swam over to me laughing the whole way. "Shut up," I said through my clenched teeth.

"See I told you the water wasn't very deep," she said smirking.

"Who did this?"

"Paul," she said pointing a finger at him.

I huffed and went back to where I was sitting earlier. Jacob was still there and he was glaring daggers at Paul. "You okay?" I asked.

"Am I okay? Are you okay? That jerk just threw you in the water," he said.

"Oh no it's fine. Besides Kim was right, the water really isn't that deep so it's all good." He didn't look like he believed me though.

Quil and a little girl walked over to us.

"Uncle Jay will you help us build castle?" she asked happily. How cute.

He looked at me and I nodded, "Yeah go ahead."

"Come with us," he said standing up. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Claire this is Soleil," he said.

"You're pretty," she said smiling.

Hey I liked this kid. "Thank you sweetie. You're very pretty too," I said still on the ground. She grabbed my arm and started pulling me. "Get up! Get up!" she said. I smiled and got up.

"You help make castle too?" she asked.

"Sure thing," I said smiling. She grabbed my hand and we walked ahead of Jacob and Quil.

"Me and Qwil are gonna build castles aaaaaaall day," she said shoveling sand into a bucket.

"All day? Wow. That's so cool. Lucky," I said emphasizing the words. She giggled.

"Will Lay and Uncle Jay help?" she asked.

"I don't know Claire," Quil said.

"I don't mind," I said carving a door with a stick.

"Yay!" she shouted clapping her hands.

--

"He likes you," Kim stated.

I believed her. I was just trying to figure out if I'd possibly like him eventually. I mean obviously there was really no other reason for him to show such a interest. It was just kinda strange having someone so good looking like me. Don't get me wrong now, I have pretty high self-esteem. But he was just so…handsome.

"Ugh come on Soleil. You're gorgeous. Why wouldn't he like you?" she said annoyed.

"I don't know," I said quietly. I began fiddling with the necklace around my neck.

"Have you talked to your family?" she asked. _No and I don't want to._

_"No, I'll do it soon though. They're gonna wonder how I'm doing," I said still fixated on the necklace. I began opening and closing the locket on it. I looked at the picture inside of it a smile forming._

_"You should really stop thinking about him so much," Kim said quietly._

_"What?" I asked angrily._

_"How else are you gonna move forward. Soleil you've gotta stop dwelling in the past," she said sadly._

_"B-but I don't want to forget him," I said shaking my head. I was sick of talking about this. I've had this conversation enough. Everyone just needed to leave me alone._

_"No one said anything about forgetting him. Just accept that he's gone."_

_"That's never going to happen. I can't. He's never really gonna be gone. He's always gonna be in my heart," I said holding the locket he gave me a little tighter. I was never going to forget him. I couldn't._

_I started to cry. "Fuck I was doing so well. I hadn't cried in weeks," I said between sobs. _

_"I'm sorry," she said getting up and joining me on my bed._

_"It's not your fault," I said lying me head on her shoulder. _

_She didn't say anything else. What more could she really say. No one knew what to say or how to act in these situations. The only person who could make me feel better was him. He was gone now. He left me. I was all alone now. _


	3. Proposals

**Hmmm what do you guys think? When i have dialogue should i skip a single line or leave it the way they do it normally? Anyways here's a new chapter.**

The next morning I woke up to find a note from Kim on my pillow.

_Sorry Soleil but I went to hang with Jared today. But don't be to angry, I've got a surprise for you. Won't be home till tonight.  
-Kim_

At least she left a note. But I was a little more concerned with the surprise. You never knew what to expect when dealing with Kim. I got up and showered. Since I didn't expect to go anywhere today I just threw on a hoodie and some short shorts and braiding my hair into two pigtails.

I went to the kitchen and saw no one was home. I wasn't really surprised. Kim's parents did have jobs. I got myself some cereal and went to the couch to watch some TV. Lucky for me Dr. Phil was on. Today he was talking with shopaholics. I was a sucker for this kind of stuff.

I was in the middle of watching The Tyra Banks Show when I heard a the doorbell. I felt kinda weird answering someone else's door but I just couldn't leave the person out there. Kim was right. I was surprised when I saw who was standing there.

"Hey," he said as soon as I opened the door.  
"Eeek you're getting all wet. Come in," I said stepping aside.  
He laughed.

Was this guy crazy? It was cold and raining outside yet he was only wearing shorts.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked. "Wait let me get you a towel," I said heading for the closet.  
He laughed again when I handed him the towel. "Thanks," he said.  
"Did Kim send you?" I asked raising a eyebrow.  
"Haha how'd you know?"  
"It's such a Kim thing," I said rolling my eyes.

"Well you're welcome to join me in watching The Tyra Banks Show," I said motioning to the living room.  
"The Tyra Banks Show?" he asked.  
"Yes, and today's a good episode. Men come and propose," I said.  
"Wow. You like that stuff?" he asked.  
"Hey it's good and interesting," I said defensively.  
"Uh sure. Alright," he said following me to the couch.

The next proposal was the best yet. The way the man looked into the woman's eyes. The look of shock she had when he got down on one knee. I couldn't pull my eyes away. Jacob looked at me and snorted. My eyes widened and I slowly turned my head to glare at him.

"What?" I asked angrily.  
"Huh oh sorry," he said.  
"What? Say it," I said.  
"Well it's just so cheezy and flashy," he complained.  
"Explain," I demanded.

"Well was coming on TV really necessary? Something so special like that should be private. And whatever happened to the 'I love you. Will you marry me?' It sounded like a speech he wrote, not something from the heart," he said.

"But what if the woman wanted something flashy like that. Maybe she's that kind of person. And did you ever consider that he really feels that way but just is romantic," I argued.

"He can be romantic while still being private. By the way you sound defensive. Do you want a proposal like that," he said pointing to the TV.

"Uh I really don't know. I never really gave it much thought. But I definitely don't want to be proposed to on television. Not even a public place. Way to many people watching you," I said shaking my head.

"You don't like being the center of attention?" he asked.

"No. It feels like you you're being judged," I explained.

"Wanna play a game?" he asked out of the blue.  
"I'm not sure. Depends on what it is," I said.  
"20 questions."  
"I guess so," I said.

He asked me pretty basic questions. Favorite color? White. Food? Steak. Music? Rap and Hip-Hop. He said I was crazy. I asked him the same things. He was a little surprised to find that I played piano and sang. He said I should write a song about him.

It was strange though. When he asked these questions he looked like he actually wanted to know the answer, and my long explanations weren't boring him.

"Where'd you get that necklace?" he asked looking at my locket.  
I gripped it and shut my eyes. I really wasn't in the mood to think about it.  
"Uh it really doesn't matter if it makes you uncomfortable," he said quickly.  
I looked up at him and he looked sad.  
"It's fine really. I'd rather not talk about it though."

"I'm home," Kim's mom shouted. She came into the living room smiling. She has a green apron on that said Lily's Flower Shop. Straight to the point I guess. But that explained why the flowers outside were so nice and the house was full of vases.

"Oh hello Jacob I didn't expect to see you here. Where's Kim?" she asked.  
I shrugged my shoulders. "With Jared."  
"Oh well that wasn't very nice of her. Leaving her friend all alone," she said shaking her head.  
"No it's fine. She hasn't seen him in a while and Jacob kept me company," I said smiling.  
"Jacob sweetie would you like to stay for dinner?" she asked.  
"I'd like to but I need to get going," he said standing up.

I walked with him to the door.  
"See you later," he said smiling.  
"Bye," I said.  
God I loved that smile.

I headed for the kitchen to see what Lily was up to.  
"Soleil dear did you wanna help me with dinner?" she asked.  
"Sure," I said.

I apologized to her for having someone over without asking. She said I was being silly and it was completely fine. She was a very nice lady. She asked a little bit about Georgia but saw it made me uncomfortable so she didn't pry. I asked about the flowers outside and around the house. That had her talking for a while.

Kim finally got home and her dad a little later. We all ate dinner together. We talked about Kim's parents day. I asked Lily about her flower shop. She didn't stop talking about it the rest of dinner. That didn't really bother me though. It kept them from asking me so many questions.

Kim and I were each laying in our beds. I was fiddling with my locket as usual.

"Hey Soleil I'm sorry about leaving you today. Did you like the surprise?" Kim asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"It's fine and yes I enjoyed it. How was your day?" I asked.

That got her talking. She was explaining her entire day in extreme detail. I wasn't really paying attention to what she said but how she said it. She was so in love with Jared. And he loved her just as much. The smile she had whenever he was mentioned. The way her eyes sparkled when she saw him. True love.

I never really cared about that too much. But seeing Kim and Jared made me realize what I'd been always missing. What I really wanted. I wanted to be in love. I wanted someone to help me forget the past. I wanted someone there for me. I just wanted to be happy.


	4. Morning Runs

**Helllllllllo. New chapter obviously. Uhm well i think this chapter was pretty good. I liked it at least. Hopefully you will twoo. Uhm tell me what you think.**

I woke up again to find Kim not in her bed. She didn't even bother to leave a not this time. I didn't really mind. I decided this was the perfect opportunity to go for a run. I got dressed and headed for the beach. I figured a good run would also help me clear my mind.

I didn't think about Grant once. Instead I thought about Jacob. I thought about the other day to be exact. Talking to him…just being around him made me so happy. I had to smile just from imagining his face. What was my problem?

Sure Jacob was a nice guy and all but come on. I had no interest in a summer romance.

"Soleil?" someone shouted.

I stopped and turned towards the voice. I saw Jacob come running towards me. I smiled.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey what are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Running, isn't it obvious," I said smiling.

"So you're a runner?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's fun," I said.

"Can I join you?" he asked.

"Uhm sure," I answered.

We didn't talk while we ran. That was fine with me though. I preferred listening to music or silence while I ran. I glanced at him and he looked a little bored. I stopped.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

He stopped, turned around, and cam back.

"Why would you think that?" he asked.

"You don't look like you're having fun. You don't have to run with me if you don't want to. Really," I said.

"No I wanna run with you it's just that…well you're kinda slow," he said.

My jaw dropped. I was insulted. I was a pretty fast runner.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Well you run a little slow for my liking," he said.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"Whatever," I muttered.

"I'm sorry," he said sadly.

I could not be mad at this boy.

"It's fine, but I think I'm done with running for the day," I said leaving the beach.

He followed behind me and I was happy he did.

We went to his house. Paul was lying on his couch.

"Hi," I said quietly waving.

I didn't really like Paul to much, but I should still be polite.

"Already bringin her home huh Jake," he said laughing.

I frowned.

Jacob growled. Yes growled.

"Paul go home," he said angrily.

"No I'd rather stay here, just don't be too loud kay," he said still laughing.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. This guy thought he was a real comedian.

"Where's Rachel?" Jacob asked.

"Not here," Paul answered.

"Jacob we could always leave," I suggested.

"It's my house," he said annoyed.

A girl came in. I assumed she was Rachel.

"Hey Rach," Paul said.

She smiled at him. Then she noticed me.

"Oh hello. I'm Rachel," she said holding out her hand.

"Soleil," I said shaking it.

"Oh oh it's nice to meet you," she said smiling.

"You too," I said politely.

"I've heard so much about you," she said glancing at Jacob.

"Hopefully good things," I said smiling.

"Oh of course," she said.

"What are you two up to?" she asked.

"We came here to hang out but that's bothering us," Jacob said pointing to Paul and glaring at him.

"Hey Paul let's go do something," she said.

He immediately stood up and grabbed her hand. They smiled at each other and walked out of the house. Wow.

"That was kind of odd," I said sitting on the couch.

"You kinda get used to it," he said plopping down next to me.

We talked just like last time. He asked me more about my life back home though. Whenever people asked those things I was never really able to answer. It'd always been to hard for me. But talking to him about anything was natural.

Rachel came back after a few hours. Thankfully Paul wasn't with her. She came and sat down on the couch with us.

"I'm sorry if Paul was bothering you two," she said.

"Oh it's okay," I said.

"Not it's not," Jacob said.

"It's fine really," I said ignoring him.

"So what have you two been up to?" she asked.

"Nothing," Jacob answered. He'd grabbed the remote and was now channel surfing.

"Just hung out and talked," I answered.

From what Jacob had told me Rachel was his older sister. Why was he being so rude? I noticed a ring on her finger.

"Are you engaged?" I asked.

"Yes," she said smiling.

"Congratulations. When's the wedding?" I asked.

"February," she said beaming.

She looked so happy. Why was everyone so happy? Was I the only miserable one left.

"You're so lucky," I said.

"Why's she lucky? She's stuck marrying Paul," Jacob said.

"You don't understand," I said rolling my eyes.

"You have no idea," he muttered.

I ignored him and turned my attention back to Rachel. We started talking about the wedding.

"You must be so excited," I said.

"Extremely," she said excited.

At that moment I was so jealous of her. And not jealous because she was getting married. Jealous because she was so fucking happy. All I wanted was to be happy. To stop hurting inside. I wanted this pain to go away. I gripped my necklace. After we finished walking I asked Jacob to walk me back.

"You really like that necklace huh?" he asked.

"Uh yeah," I said grabbing onto it.

"It kinda seems like you mess with it when you're uncomfortable or when someone mentions it," he said.

He was right. He barely knew me but he sorta understood my most important possession. The only thing I valued more than my life.

"You're right," I said.

"Mind me asking why?"

"I don't know. It's just that it's really important to me. It was a gift. It helps me feel closer to the person who gave it to me. It kinda gives me a little strength," I explained embarrassed.

"Who gave it to you?" he asked.

I took a deep breath. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"My best friend back home," I answered.

He didn't ask anything more. He could tell it was still a touchy subject for me.

When I got back the first thing I did was go to my bed and get the picture. I closed my eyes and hugged it close. I kept my breaths slow trying to remember the good times with him.

I took the necklace off and opened the locket. I looked at the picture inside of it and started speaking to it.

"Hey Grant. I haven't talked to you in a long time. I just wanted to tell you I've been doing a lot better. But I'm still sad. I'm still hurt. Why'd you have to go. Things would be so much easier if you were still here with me. But anyway I met a guy. He's really good looking and really cool. I like him. A lot. When I'm with him I'm actually happy. He helps me forget the pain. That's good right? Well I miss you and love you."

I closed the locket then kissed it. I laid back on the pillow and closed my eyes falling asleep.


	5. Rap

**Mhm well school's started so hopefully each story will be updated every other week. :(**

"Hello?"

"Oh thank God. Cecilia it's me," I said into the phone.

"Soleil!" she shouted happily.

"Shhh! Are mom and dad home?" I asked.

"No not right now. Soleil they're dying to talk to you. It's been weeks," she said dramatically.

"What about Cain?" I asked ignoring her statement.

"Yeah he's on the couch watching baseball. No surprise there," she said. I knew she was rolling her eyes.

"Oh. Well how are you?" I asked.

"Oh well I'm great. So far summer's really good. Me and Trina hang out everyday. You remember Evan right? Well me and him are gonna hang out this Saturday. By the way I need outfit advice. Do you think I should wear yellow or green?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes. Of course she was more concerned with her date than me. I wasn't the least bit surprised.

"Green. I've told you a million times green is your color. It brings out your eyes."

She already knew this. She only wanted compliments. She loved that.

"Thank you. Oh right how are you? How's the house? Is it tacky?" she asked.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Typical Cecilia.

"No Cecilia it's fine. I need you to tell mom and dad that I'm fine. I'll call back soon," I said.

"How are you holding up? Was staying there really better?" she asked quietly.

I thought about it. Recently it's felt like I could've stayed home. But things haven't been that bad. It's nice being around people who don't know. I was so sick of the pity and lack of privacy back home. Everyone knew what happened. People gave me sad looks everywhere I went. It didn't help that everyone always wanted to bring it up.

"I'm doing pretty good. But I've gotta go. Tell everyone I love them," I said.

"Kay. Bye Soleil. Love you," she said.

"Love you too," I said hanging up.

--

"Okay try this one," I said popping in a CD. I flipped to track number 5. _Eminem's Stan_ started playing.

"Ugh turn it off," he said covering his ears. This caused me to turn it up louder.

"I have multiple Eminem CDs. This could go on for hours," I said smirking.

"You wasted money on this," he said disgusted.

"That was insulting," I said angrily.

"Eh sorry," he said. "Any way you'd forgive me?" he asked.

"If you sit there and listen to all my favorites," I said smiling sweetly.

"Fine," he said rolling his eyes.

I was determined to make him like Rap. When I was finished with him he'd at least be able to stand it.

The CD ended and he made a big show of sighing. I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. You know you liked it," I said smiling.

"Yeah right," he said.

I stood up and went to the kitchen. "Hungry?" I asked.

"Very," he said coming in behind me.

I made us some sandwiches. While we were eating Kim came in.

"What are you two up to?" she asked sitting next to me.

"Eating," Jacob said with a mouth full of food.

I frowned at him.

"Hey Jake Jared's waiting outside. Want's to know if you need a ride to the shop," she said taking some chips off my plate.

"Oh crap I forgot. Yeah thanks," he shoved the rest of the food into his mouth and stood up. "See ya Soleil," he said rushing outside.

"Bye," I called.

"Are you two ever going to have a real date?" she asked.

"Real date? What we're doing is fake?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes, "All you two do is hang out here or at his house. What kind of relationship is that?" she asked.

"Friends," I said.

"Please I can tell both of you want to be way more than that."

She was right. She was so right. I did wanna be more than friends. But Jake sure wasn't acting like he did. He always made sure to never get to close. The most I'd gotten was a hug. Big deal.

"Shut up," I said putting my head on the table.

"Haha sorry Soleil," she said laughing. I ignored her. She was just loving this.

"I called home the other night," I said.

"And how'd that go?" she asked concerned.

"Alright. I only talked to Cecilia," I explained.

"Why didn't you talk to your parents?' she asked.

"They weren't home," I said shrugging my shoulders.

"Like you would've talked to them if they were," she said.

"Yeah probably not," I said laughing.

That was very true. Kim knew me so well. I just didn't want to talk to them at the moment. Everyone moved on so fast. I needed more time.

--

"Are you sure he likes me?" I asked the next morning. It was still bothering me. She had to bring it up.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah I'm positive. He's crazy about you," she answered.

"How do you know?"

"Jared tells me. All he does is talk about you. Some of the others are getting very annoyed with him," she said.

I couldn't help smiling. Who wouldn't smile in a situation like this. "What were you talking about when you said Jared was gonna take him to the shop yesterday?" I asked.

"The mechanic shop. He never told you about it?" she asked.

"Well he told me he liked to fix cars. He never said he worked at a garage."

"He owns it. Him, Quil, and Embry," she said.

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Mhm. Want me to take you before I go see Jared?" she asked.

"Yes please," I said.

We got in the car and drove there. It wasn't too far away. She parked the car and looked at me. "Well here it is," she said.

I looked at the building in front of me. It was a pretty average size. Smaller than the ones in Atlanta. So far it looked nice. Although I was on the outside. "Kay thanks. Bye," I said getting out of the car. She honked the horn twice then drove off.

I rolled my eyes and went inside. "Hello?" I called. Quil came out.

"Hey Soleil," he said.

"Hi, Jacob's here right?" I asked.

He laughed. "Yeah I'll go get him." He left for a moment then Jacob came out.

"Hey," he said smiling.

"You never told me you owned a garage," I said.

"Well I didn't want to brag," he said smiling.

"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes.

"What are you up to?" I asked.

"Fixin cars," he replied smiling.

I smiled and pushed past him to the back.

--

"Uhm where are we going?" I asked. Jake told me he'd take me home. But we were going the opposite direction of the house.

"Sam's," he replied.


	6. Shopping

**Hiiii you guys. Am I late on this update? Hmm I'm not exactly sure. Sorry :( Well anywho I liked this chapter. The end is my fave. Hopefully it'll be yours too. Reviews are awesome and make me happy. And I'd like to adress this now since I probably never will in the story. Bella probably won't get any mention. I mean she has nothing to do with Soleil and would probably only cause her pain so why would Jacob mention her? Besides he imprinted. He really doesn't care about Bella anymore.**

We arrived at Sam's house. For some reason this seemed to be the big hot spot. We walked up to the door and went inside. Everyone was crowded in the small living room around Emily.

"Jake guess what?" Embry said.

"What?" he asked joining the group. I chose to stay to the side.

"Emily's pregnant!" Seth said excitedly.

"Oh wow. Congratulations," he said giving her a hug.

"Congratulations" I said smiling. I took a seat next to Leah. I hadn't really talked to her much. "Hey," I said.

She gave me a look then muttered, "Hello."

Jacob seemed really close to these people. I wanted to maintain decent relationships with them so I attempted small talk with her. The others weren't really paying attention to us. They were all consumed in their own conversations. Although I did notice Kim watching me from the corner of her eye.

"So what do you do for fun?" I asked.

"Hang out with these losers," she replied annoyed.

"Oh. They don't seem that bad though," I said.

"Trust me. You don't have to spend all your time with one of them," she said rolling her eyes.

"Oh well you don't have to be with them all the time. Me, you, Kim, and Emily could go do something together," I suggested. Everyone else stopped talking and stared at us. Emily and Kim smiled. Although I'm positive Kim's was fake.

"Uh sure," she said uninterested.

"How's tomorrow?" I asked. "I need a few new outfits."

"That sounds fun," Emily said clapping her hands excitedly.

"Wow Soleil that was really sweet," Seth said happily.

"Awwe thank you," I said smiling brightly. Everyone else shook their heads and went back to their conversations.

--

"Kim we already decided that I would drive," I said for what seemed like the 100th time. The entire way to town she complained that she wanted to drive. When we finally got to the mall I got out of the car and slammed my door. "Fine Kim you can drive home," I said.

I knew her. She was only doing this because I invited Leah to hang out with us. Apparently Kim hates Leah and Leah knows this. Kim says Leah only did this to bother her. Well how was I supposed to know? Kim was on my back about it all night. I was praying that today would go well.

"I need a dress," I stated as soon as we got inside.

"Me too," Leah said.

"Alright me and Leah will go get dresses together. Kim and Em you two can go together," I said already walking away. As we were walking around I noticed a lot of guys staring at Leah. I mean a lot. I wanted to ask her something but I didn't want to be rude.

"Uhm Leah do you have a boyfriend?" I asked.

"No," she said quickly.

"Mind my asking why?" I asked. I didn't want to pry. I knew exactly how it felt to have other people in your business. She didn't say anything. "Look it's okay. I know how it feels to have other people in your business. You don't have to say anything."

"I'm a bitch," she said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I don't have a boyfriend because I'm a bitch. Of course I've had them before but they never work out. I always cause problems."

"I don't think that's true," I said.

"No it is. I used to date Sam. Then he left me for Emily. It hurt a lot but I got over it like two years ago. I had a boyfriend after that. It was really great. He was a really great guy. He actually loved me. And I loved him back. But then things got to good. I was waiting for him to break my heart."

"I became defensive and stopped talking to him. I didn't think it was worth it. I thought it'd be over soon. So he broke up with me. I expected that. But like a month later I realized something. He might not have broken up with me if hadn't acted so distant. I had ruined that amazing relationship. I just don't want to be bothered anymore."

I didn't say anything else. I definitely didn't say I'm sorry. That'd be the worst. She'd probably never forgive me. I knew what pity felt like. It was hell.

--

"You two have fun?" Kim asked sarcastically. Shut up.

"Actually Kim yes we did," Leah said smugly.

"Well let's go. I told Jared I'd come over later tonight," she said heading to the car.

Me, Emily, and Leah rolled our eyes. Kim could be so childish.

--

I dropped Kim off at Jared's place. He asked if I wanted to stay and hang out but Kim didn't look to happy about that. I'm pretty sure she's mad at me. I headed back to the house and parked the car. I really didn't wanna just hang there so I went inside and changed. Nothing like a midnight run.

When I was just about finished I ran into Jacob. Surprise surprise. "Hi," I said out of breath.

"Hey," he said smiling.

He always looked so happy to see me and I felt that way.

"What brings you out tonight?" I asked.

"Just wanted some fresh air. You?" he asked.

"Well first I dropped Kim off at Jared's. he asked me if I wanted to stay and chill but Kim really didn't look like she wanted me to stay so I headed off. Actually I think she's kinda mad at me about the Leah thing. How was I supposed to know that they didn't get along? And since I didn't wanna be stuck in the house I came out for a run," I said.

"I don't think she's mad at you," he said.

"I don't know. She was acting really childish today. She always acts like that when she's mad," I said annoyed. We started walking back to the beach.

"I got this really cute gray and black shirt," I said sitting down. He sat next to me.

"I bet it looks amazing," he said smiling. God he was amazing. He was actually interested in this crap.

"Why don't you tell me something about your brother and sister," he said. "You never talk about them."

"Well let's start with Cain. He's 21 and the oldest. He loves sports and plays football. He played for his college's team. We tease each other endlessly. He's way overprotective. One of the best big brothers ever."

"And then there's Cecilia. She's fifteen and boy crazy. She's an amazing little sister though. She really looks up to me. She's always asking for advice. She's protective of me too. For some reason they seem to think I need protection," I said rolling my eyes.

"They sound nice," he said smiling.

"You'd think that. But tell me more about Rachel and Rebecca."

"Well you met Rachel. She's cool. As you can see she's with Paul. She's a second grade teacher. And Rebecca? Haven't seen her in a while. She calls petty often but doesn't come around. She's still in school. Wants to do something in business. She doesn't like this small town very much. But we're all pretty cool with it," he said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a touchy subject," I said.

"No it's fine really."

My phone started vibrating. I took it out of my pocket and had a text message from Kim.

_Where the hell are you? Get your butt home now!_

_--Kim_

"Ugh," I said sighing.

"What?" he asked.

"I better get home. Kim's complaining. She's pretending that she actually cares," I whined.

"Of course she cares. But I'll walk you," he said.

We were almost there. I couldn't talk to him. All I was thinking about was when he was going to kiss me. Hopefully he'd do it like now.

"Alright well I'll see you later," I said slowly. Come on now Jacob you can do it. I lingered there and looked at him biting my lip. Maybe that would give him and idea. He kept smiling at me. Things didn't look like they were moving anywhere. I took a deep breath and turned around.

He grabbed me and pulled me back. Finally kissing me. It was so amazing. I was actually glad he had waited so long. It made me want it more. It made it feel so much better to finally get it. Kinda like on Christmas when your parents hide your presents around the house. It's so much better to wait for Christmas morning than to ruin the surprise. This was well worth the wait.

The porch light came on. I didn't care and it seemed like he didn't either. We were to consumed with each other. I held him tighter trying to pull him closer.

"Soleil Luna Smith Get In This House Now!" Kim shouted from the porch. I slowly pulled away and started grinning at him.

"Night," I whispered. I walked to the porch and past Kim into the house. I eventually made my way into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Kim came in right behind me.

"What did you think you were doing young lady?" she asked as if she was my mother.

"Kim. That was the most amazing kiss of my entire life," I said sighing happily.

She rolled her eyes then fell on her bed. "You know I felt the same way when I got with Jared," she said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. I had liked Jared for years and he never noticed me. Then one day he came to school and started talking to me. A lot. Then he asked me out. I was so unbelievably happy. The guy who I had a crush on for years finally liked me back. And when we kissed for the first time. It was like magic," she said.

"It really is," I said agreeing.

"What?" she asked.

"_Like magic_," I said.

We talked for a little bit longer then got ready for bed. Kim was already asleep but I was having some troubled. I took my locket and opened it looking at the picture inside. "_Grant, I'm finally happy_," I whispered closing it and my eyes.


	7. Secrets

**New chapter. I'm kinda supposed to be updating Smile but I couldn't resist. This probably won't get updated next week. :( Sorry**

After that my relationship with Jacob could be described as cotton candy and rainbows. We were almost never apart. We were becoming worse than Kim and Jared. Quite honestly it was pitiful and I was in complete bliss.

There was one problem. I had a secret. I was ruining everything. Our relationship couldn't be cotton candy and rainbows until I told him. I just didn't feel right. He'd told me all his secrets and I was still holding this from him.

Everything was so great lately. More than great. It was absolutely amazing. I was finally happy again. I knew it was time to tell him. But I had no idea when. He deserved to know about Grant. He wasn't keeping any secrets from me. Why should I keep such an important one from him?

"Hello Soleil I'm talking to you," Jacob said waving his hand in my face.

I shook my head to come out of my daydream. "Oh sorry about that," I said.

"You seem distant," he said.

He was right. I'd been in lala land all week. I kept trying to decide when to tell him. I couldn't think of the right moment. Guess I was gonna have to leave it up to fate.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. I got up we went to his car. I didn't say a word on the way home. I gave him a quick kiss then ran into the house and flopped on my bed.

I felt completely horrible. I could tell he was feeling sad. Why wouldn't he? I was basically ignoring him. I obviously didn't mean to do it. But it just kept happening. I need to tell him. I need to tell him soon.

--

"What's wrong?" he asked breaking the silence. I tried to avoid him. I really didn't want to discuss this right now. He waited for my answer. I finally stopped staring at the sand and looked at him. He looked so hurt. At that exact moment I could've killed myself.

Wait. Stop. Do not think that way. Count to ten and calm yourself. Now explain why you've been acting this way. "Look Jacob I'm sorry. It's just that these past few days haven't been the greatest for me."

"Well talk to me. Tell me what's going on," he said looking into my eyes.

I couldn't look at him. It's not that I felt my secret was anything major. It's the way it was making me act. It was not only hurting me but it was hurting him too. I couldn't live that way. "Do you really wanna know what's up?" I asked.

"Yes. Please," he begged.

"Well you know how I have an older brother and younger sister?" I asked quietly. I really didn't want to deal with what was about to happen next.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Well I have another brother. His name's Grant and he's my older twin brother," I said. I didn't say anything more. I was waiting to see if he questioned me. He didn't.

"I remember this like it was yesterday. One day when we were fifteen I went to his room. I was gonna ask him if he wanted to go to the movies. When I opened the door I saw that he had hung himself," I choked out. I was crying now. He squeezed my shoulder a little tighter.

_I ran upstairs to see if Grant wanted to see the new Harry Potter movie. "Grant!" I shouted up the stairs. I opened the door to see if he was up there. _

"You don't have to say anything more," he said softly.

"When I saw him the first thing I did was scream, I started shaking my head and screaming no. My little sister came running in. She saw him and screamed to. I grabbed her and covered her face. She didn't need to see this. No one did."

_"AAHHH!" I screamed. What was going on? Grant was in front of me, but he was hanging from the ceiling. There was something around his neck. Oh no. oh no. "AHHH!" I shouted again. My screams kept coming. I was shouting so much and so loud now. It was hurting my ears, but I didn't care. I thought I was dreaming. Maybe if I scream louder I'll wake up._

_Cecilia came running into the room. "What are you yelling about?" she stopped and stared. I quickly covered her face. I held her and squeezed her hoping the images would leave my mind. "Soleil what happened?" she asked freighted. I just held her tighter crying into her hair._

"She was crying asking what happened. I was wondering the same thing. Why in the world did he do this? My parents and brother Cain came next. My mother started screaming and crying uncontrollably. My dad pushed us kids out of the room."

_Mom and dad ran into the room with Cain. "What?" my mother asked concerned. She gasped and her eyes widened. "What no?" she said. She was breathing heavily. My father and Cain were both silent. "My baby!" she shouted. I tried to go to him but my father held her back._

_My father pushed me and Cecilia out of the room and Cain followed behind us._

"I let go of Cecilia and went back inside. I stared at him. It had to be a nightmare right? I could barely think over the screaming and crying. My dad was on the phone with 911. I was standing directly in front of Grant. I knew there was no point. He was dead."

_I let go of her. I needed to see him. This was all a dream right? I went back into the room and my mother was crying hysterically in my father's arms. My father was trying to talk over her with the 911 operator. I went over to Grant. I wanted to touch him, to hug him so badly. I could tell he was dead. He'd been that way for a while._

I stopped for a few moments then started up again.

"The next thing I knew there were police and paramedics all around. They made all of us leave the room. I was in complete shock. I couldn't speak at all. I just stood there and watched it all happen. I watched them take my brother's dead body away."

_Everything just started blurring together. Before I knew it the paramedics and police had come and gone. They took Grant with them. My brother's dead body. I kept opening and closing my eyes trying to wake up. This has to be a nightmare. There's no way this happened. It didn't work. This was real life, and he was really gone._

"I don't remember much after that. All I know is that I didn't talk for a month. My sister said I was like a zombie. Every single day I thought about doing the same thing he did," he flinched when I said that.

"I didn't want to live the rest of my life like that. I was miserable. My brother, the person who I was closest to, the person who knew me the best was gone. He was never coming back. I didn't want to live with that pain. I saw him dead. I knew that would be in my mind forever."

"We moved around a month later. Once me moved I finally went back to normal. I couldn't be in that house anymore. The house where he died. After about a year everyone was over it. I was back to living a normal life, but I never got over that. I had to relive that nightmare every single night. Over and over."

"Finally I got into college. Thankfully a college on the other side of the country. I just wanted to get away from things that reminded me of him. That's why I stayed with Kim this summer. My family doesn't understand what its been like for me. They think it's been long enough and I need to move on, but I just can't. That's why I wear this necklace," I said squeezing it.

"He gave it to me, and I keep a picture of us in it. It seems like everyone has forgotten him. I wanna move on and get over his death, but I never wanna forget him. I wanna remember all our memories. Good or bad. I just want him here with me," I said.

I opened the locket and ran my finger over the picture. "See," I said holding it up to Jacob. "That's us when we were fourteen. Don't we look alike?" I asked smiling.

"Yeah," he said.

"He was an amazing person and the perfect brother. He was always there for everyone. He was the quiet shy twin, while I was the loud outgoing one. He always knew what to say, and was absolutely hilarious. He was smarter than me too, always got better grades," I said proudly.

"I bet he was amazing," he said quietly.

"Yeah he really was," I agreed.


	8. I Hate You

**Yooooo everybody. It's been a long time. I'm so so so so so sorry about the wait. I just couldn't write. Please forgive me? Anyway I won't be mad if you don't review buuuut it'll make me love you more :) Tell me whatcha think?**

I snuck inside the room and slipped into the bed. I thought Kim was fast asleep.

"Well where have you been?" she asked turning on a lamp.

I rolled my eyes. "Out with Jacob. Duh." She rolled her eyes.

"I told him about Grant," I whispered.

"Really? How'd that go?" she asked.

"Surprisingly good."

"I'm happy for you," she said smiling. She turned the lamp off then rolled over.

I was happy too.

--

When I woke up the next morning I was exhausted. I guess I was emotionally drained. Kim came pounding into the room. "Up up up!" she barked. I dragged out of bed and went to the kitchen. Kim was smiling proudly at the table full of food.

"I though you deserved something for telling Jake."

I smiled warmly. "Thanks Kim."

We ate together and talked. It was nice. While we were talking I started to feel bad though. Kim and I had barely hung out this summer. Of course she wanted to be with Jared. They hadn't seen each other in months. But what kind of friend was I? I wasn't even making a real effort.

"Kim, let's do something today," I said hopefully.

"But I have plans with Jared."

"Not anymore."

"Excuse me?"

"We've hung out like 10 times all summer. We are doing something today even if we only stay here and watch movies. End of discussion," I said.

She looked like she was about to argue but she stopped herself. "Fine."

--

"See this isn't so bad," I said.

Me and Kim went into to town and found a hair and nail salon. She got her hair layered around her face and I got a cut and some new highlights. She was in the chair next to me getting her nails done.

"I guess so," she mumbled.

We talked some more. Just catching up. It felt so weird. Kim had become one of my best friends in such a short amount of time and here I was almost taking advantage of her. She was doing me such a favor by letting me stay with her. This was how I repaid her? I spent my summer chasing some crush.

--

When we got back home I decided to tell Kim how I felt.

"Kim I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"You're my best friend and we barely do anything anymore. You're doing such an amazing thing for me and I'm all boy crazy," I said.

"Oh come on Soleil it's not that big of a deal. I'm busy with Jared and you're with Jacob."

"Exactly. You're always supposed to choose a friend over a boy. I'm not mad about you and Jared. You knew him way before you knew me. But I've Jacob for like a month," I carried on.

"Soleil, how could I be mad at you? Jacob likes you. A lot. And obviously you like him a lot too or you wouldn't have told him about Grant. We have all of the next school year together. Just have some fun," she said smiling.

"I guess," I said warily.

"Look if it'll make you feel any better I'll make sure we do something every week. Kay?" she said holding her arms out for a hug.

"Alright," I said hugging her.

--

"Well could you please tell me what movie we're seeing?" I snapped. Jacob had dragged me to the movies when I really didn't want to go. I had a feeling her was taking me to see the new horror movie. I hate scary things. He covered my eyes when he bought the tickets and I'm sure he would before we went into the theater.

"Noooo way. Now do you want popcorn or candy?" he asked smiling. That smile will always make me melt.

"Popcorn," I replied rolling my eyes.

He grabbed my hand and started pulling me.

"I'm not moving," I said firmly. He shrugged his shoulders and lifted me up bridal style. People started staring. I was mortified.

"Put me down," I spat.

"Are you gonna walk?" he asked smirking.

"Yes yes whatever just put me down." He put me down slowly and grabbed my hand again. This time I walked with him. Just as I thought he covered my eyes before we went into the theater. We sat down in the back. The movie started and showed an old house in a thunder storm.

I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "I hate you." He stuck his tongue out at me and smiled.

"Ahh!" I screamed grabbing his hand.

"That wasn't even scary," he said laughing.

"Shut up," I said between breaths.

--

"Come on Soleil. It was fun," he said laughing.

"This is soooo not funny," I countered.

"Okay okay I'm haha sorry."

I glared at him. "Don't talk to me anymore."

"Aww don't be that way," he said pulling me into a hug. He was sooo warm. Why was he always so warm? I resisted and didn't hug back. "Come on," he said kissing me softly.

"Don't try to butter me up," I growled.

"I'm sorry," he said kissing me again. "Please forgive me?" He smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "Forgiven." Damn that smile.

--

"Jacob you're soo mean," I whined. He was constantly making fun of me. Every little thing I did or said he found funny. Everything I told him he laughed at. I knew he was just playing though. I always told myself not to forgive him. But then he'd smile and the word 'forgiven' would just come out.

He had some kind of spell on me. He could probably get me to do anything. But I'd also learned he'd do the same for me. One day I was sitting on the couch like ten feet away from the remote. I asked him to get it for me and smiled the whole time then gave me a kiss when he handed it to me.

"Aww I'm sorry babe," he said laughing. He collapsed on the couch next to me. He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead. I grumbled under my breath and turned my attention back to Oprah. Paul and Rachel came in. Rachel smiled at us then sat in the chair next to me. Paul looked skeptically at Jacob then busted out laughing

"Hahaha dude she's got you watching Oprah. You are so whipped," he said between laughing. I rolled my eyes and Jacob growled. He actually did that a lot.

"Shut up Paul. I just know how to be nice to her," he said annoyed.

"Whatever man," he said still laughing. He fell on the couch next to Jacob.

"Can't you two tell we're kinda hanging out," he said.

"You're sitting in your living room watching Oprah. Big whoop," he said.

"Jacob leave it," I said rubbing his arm. He rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. So childish.

"How's the wedding coming Rachel?" I asked.

"Can we please not talk about that? I just don't want to think about it for a little while. We just got back from registering. It was hell," she complained. Paul laughed and smiled at her. I watched them. They looked just like Kim and Jared did. And Sam and Emily. So that's what true love looks like. I laid my head on Jacob's chest and closed my eyes.

--

"You don't need to be shirtless to go running."

"No it helps. It keeps my body temperature lower. You should try it," he said winking.

I rolled my eyes. "Idiot."

Jacob and I went running together every other morning. It was his idea not mine. I usually didn't like running with other people. He was no exception. I only went along because I wanted to spend more time with him.

He always seemed like he was running slow with me. Like he wanted to go so much faster. I hated that. If I was too slow he should just speed up. Every time we ran I spent the whole time comparing myself to him. He was never tired when we were done. I was exhausted. We finished up and I fell on the ground breathing heavily.

"How are you not tired?" I asked annoyed. It was not fair.

"High endurance?" He sat next to me. I pushed myself up.

"You know I used to run with Grant. He was so much faster than me. He was kinda like you. I knew every time we ran together he was holding back."

"I don't hold back," he said as if he was disgusted with the idea.

I rolled my eyes as usual. "Before the incident I was training so we could have a race. It was supposed to be two weeks after he died. As much as I trained I still wouldn't have been able to beat he. He was amazing at track."

"I never even liked running that much. I only did because he loved it and he loved doing it with me. The only reason I still run is because of him. When I'm running I feel like he's still here with me," I said.

"You two were really close huh?"

"Very." Something strange was going on. I wasn't crying. I'd just told Jacob about Grant like a week ago. I wasn't this comfortable talking about it with my family. I smiled and then started crying.

"What?" Jacob asked worriedly.

"I'm-not-crying," I said.

"Yes you are," he said.

"No-I-mean-talking-about-Grant-didn't-make-me-cry," I said crying harder.

"Wait so why are you crying now?" he asked.

"Because I'm happy. I don't like talking about Grant with anyone. But when I'm with you I can talk so freely. I'm so comfortable."

"So that's a good thing right?" he asked.

"It's an amazing thing."


	9. Apologies

**Gaaaah. I'm oh so sorry about this. How long has it been since I updated? Like a month or something. Again sorry x1million. I will try my best to get the next chapter out way faster. Although I still have Smile to worry about and I'm messing around with like three other stories, so you can see my dilema. Anyway no excuses what I was and I'm sorry for it end of story. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

I pulled a flower from the ground. Summer was going by so fast. I didn't want it to end. I started pulling the petals off of the flower.

"He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me," I said smiling. I sighed and fell back onto the ground.

I went into the forest to get away from everything. I needed to think. Think about Jacob. I liked him a lot. I wasn't sure if this was some summer romance or the real thing. Should I stop this now? Nip it in the bud? Would I wanna be bothered during the school year?There were so many things going through my head at top speed.

A gush of cold wind blew by. It gave me the chills. I just started feeling weird. I felt like I was being watched. I heard a twig crack and jumped up. It was just Jacob.

I rolled my eyes sighing, "You scared me."

"You shouldn't be out here alone," he snapped.

"What's your problem?" I retorted.

"What's my problem? What's yours? Why would you come out here alone?" he huffed.

"Calm down I'm fine," I countered.

"Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"Why do you have to be such an ass?"

--

I felt bad about earlier today. Jacob was just worried about me. I went over to his house to apologize.

"Oh uh hi Soleil Jacob's not here right now," Rachel said sadly.

"Oh. Uhm well tell him I stopped by," I said and turned around.

"Hey Soleil do you wanna come in and wait? He shouldn't be too much longer. I'm waiting for Paul too," she asked hopefully.

"Sure," I replied. Rachel looked a little jittery. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Oh yeah I'm fine. Just a little stressed with the wedding," she said running her fingers through her hair. "Would you mind helping me with some things? I need a second opinion."

"I'd love to."

She wanted my help picking out a centerpiece. After a half hour we made a decision. She wanted to know what I thought about everything else. From the looks of it this was going to be a really nice wedding. And Rachel was really nice. Paul was a lucky guy. I'm just sad it took me this long to get to know her.

"Hey Rach," Paul said barging in. She squealed then ran over and hugged him. "Hey Soleil."

"Hey Paul. It looks like this wedding is going to be pretty amazing," I complimented.

"Thanks," they both replied.

Jacob came in a few minutes later. When he saw me his eyes widened. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

I stood up. "I came here to talk to you about earlier."

"You're supposed to be with Kim and Jared," he snapped.

What was he talking about? "No one ever told me this," I said.

"I'm gonna kill Jared," he said through clenched teeth. He stormed out and slammed the door. Paul went after him.

Rachel looked at me sadly. "Come on. We've got ice cream," she said.

--

Hours had passed and Jacob still wasn't back. Rachel said I should go home but I wasn't leaving. Then she tried to get me to go to sleep. There was no way. I wasn't going to sleep when things hadn't been worked out yet. I wasn't going to bed mad. I came over to apologize and he blew up like that. Was he bipolar or something? God where is he.

About an hour later he came in. I was sitting on the couch in the dark.

"Soleil?" he whispered smiling. He came over to give me a hug. I moved to the side. "What's wrong?" he asked. I pointed to the door and we both went out. He sat on the porch and looked up at me.

"What's wrong with you?" I demanded.

"Look it's nothing," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Why can't you just tell me? I'm completely honest with you. I've told you the most personal things about me. I tell you everything and you can't even tell me what's wrong?"

He stood up. "Come on Soleil. Don't be that way. Let's just kiss and make up."

"Get away from me," I said pushing him away. He looked at me sadly. "You're a jerk," I said storming off.

--

Damn. Damn. Damn. Why am I so stupid? Why did I do that? Why do I have to be so difficult? Why do I always have to cause problems? If he wanted to tell me he would? I went over to his house to attempt another apology. When he saw me he only smiled sadly and came outside.

"Here to tell me to never speak to you again?" he asked.

"What? Of course not. I came to apologize. I'm sorry Jacob. You're right. I am difficult and you deserve someone so much better than me but I hope I'm who you want," I said.

He simply looked at me with his mouth open. He grabbed me and squeezed me tight.

"Soleil I'm so so sorry. You're not difficult. I was just being an ass like you said. I don't deserve such an amazing girl like you."

"Look at the two lovebirds," Paul teased.

I pulled away from Jacob and laughed. "I'm sorry," I said giving him a quick kiss. He grabbed my hand and we walked inside.

--

Kim was out with Jared, her parents were at work, and Jacob was busy. I was all alone. Although I was perfectly fine with that. It gave me time to think. Something I'd been doing a lot lately. And of course my mind always wandered to Jacob. Like why did I always forgive him so readily? Why was I so attached?

I was so mad at him the other day. I was lying in bed crying my eyes out. When I woke up the next morning I missed him so much, and I felt so bad. I just had to see him and apologize. It was as if something was making me do it. I knew I was pissed. But something made me go over there anyway. Why? What the hell was wrong with me?

Just thinking about him now is making me heart hurt, as cheesy as it may sound. Lately I can barely stay away from him. I can barely make it through the nights. I'm around almost constantly. Why?

When Kim got home I talked to her about it.

"I just can't stay away from him you know?" I said.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Soleil I really think you should talk to him about this," she suggested.

"No way! I'd be too embarrassed," I replied.

"Talk to him," she said.

--

I'm supposed to be talking to him. Instead we're making out. Kind of off track I know. I pulled back from him and sighed.

He brushed his hand across my face. "What's wrong?"

"Jacob I…need you."

"What?" he asked confused.

"Well I need to be…around you. When we're apart I feel all weird and depressed. When I see you my heart starts beating faster and I just feel this immense joy. When we're mad at each other I just have to make things right. And I can barely sleep at night because I miss you so much and it…it scares me. I've never felt this way about someone."

"Oh," he said quietly.

"Oh? Oh? That's all you can say? I basically just said 'I love you' and all you can say us oh? God!" I yelled.

"Soleil calm down," he said placing his hands on my shoulders. "I think we need to talk."

--

"Where am I?" I asked rubbing my head. I looked around and I was surrounded by Jacob's family.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Is blacking out normal for you?" Paul asked.

Blacking out? What? What happened to me? What could've made me black out?

"Soleil you passed out when I told you I was a werewolf," Jacob explained slowly.

"Ha," I laughed. Wait why was I the only one laughing.

"Soleil dear it's true," Billy said.

I fell back on the couch. "Oh God."

This can't be happening. I must be going crazy. Great this is just what someone like me needs.

"Soleil it is true," Rachel said. She was sitting at the foot of the couch.

I was close to passing out again.

I stared pinching my arm. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

"Soleil what are you doing?" Rachel asked.

"Well obviously this is a dream and I'm trying to make myself wake up," I explained quickly.

They were all staring at me like I was crazy. I felt crazy. The mad woman picking at her arm. I sighed loudly.

"I need to go," I said standing up.


	10. Repeat

**This and Smile updated in one night? Whoop I'm on a roll. haha. Well anyway I really enjoyed this one. It's my favorite to write. I have like 3 other stories with a page written, but I'm not becoming serious with anything until this and Smile are finished. And who knows when that's coming around? I do. I think this one's gonna be done in a little while. We'll see where my imagination takes us.**

* * *

"You can't ignore him forever you know," Kim said.

"How did I get myself wrapped into something like this? Werewolves and vampires? This is some crazy shit," I said.

"I feel the same way," she said. "I was so excited when Jared finally noticed me. I thought we would be a nice normal couple. As you can see we're the opposite of normal around here."

"Normal? Yeah right."

--

"Well what am I supposed to do Soleil? This is the way I am," Jacob said.

"I know that. It's just that normal is what I need. After everything with Grant I was dying for a normal life. Why do you think I came to school on the other side of the country? Not just to get away from everything but to be normal," I explained.

"So what are you saying? You don't want to be with me anymore because I'm not normal?" he asked sadly?

"No! Of course not. I'm just saying that I'll give up my chances of being normal so I can be with you."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. I looked up and brought my face closer to his kissing him.

"Well we can try to be normal. As normal as a werewolf can be. For you. Because I care about you," he said.

I pulled my arms tighter around his neck. I'd be happy with this being my normal. Just as long as I get to be with him I'm okay.

--

I got a letter from my parents. I went into mine and Kim's room and opened it up. Thank God I was the only one home. I had no idea what was going to be in it. I thought it was just gonna be a letter from my mom begging me to come home for the remainder of the summer. When I opened it the paper was folded and had my name written on the side. In Grant's handwriting. What was this?

_Dear Soleil,_

_I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. But I just can't take it anymore. I really can't. I know I was supposed to protect you but I can't handle it. Everything…it just became to much. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I've been thinking about doing this for a while now. I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't talk to you about this. We tell each other everything. But this is something you'd never be able to understand. The pressure just became to much. You may not realize it but I've been living in your shadow since we were little kids. You were always the perfect daughter. I'm not strong enough to live with that. Again I'm sorry. Please don't be to mad at me, and don't you dare think for a second that this is your fault. Just try to understand why I had to do this. But remember don't ever be like me. Don't be a quitter. Stay strong Soleil. Don't ever give up. And don't be too mad okay?  
__I love you and I'll miss you__  
-Grant_

What. The. Fuck. What was this? Where did this come from? It must be some kind of joke right? Why would my parents send me something like this? Maybe Cain was making a late April Fool's prank. I started sweating and breathing faster. Oh God not again. Remember Soleil calm down. Breathe.

In.. Two.. Three

Out.. Two.. Three

Repeat.

Remember to think happy things. Think of a safe place. I squeezed my locket. Happy times. Me and Grant's 12th birthday. That was happy. Mom and Dad took us all to Disney World. Grant was afraid of almost all the rides. I was too but I wouldn't let on. That was the day I realized how much I hated roller coasters. But that didn't matter. I had to be strong. Strong for the both of us. Come on Soleil if I was strong enough for the both of us back then, then I could be strong enough for myself now. Concentrate.

I re-read the letter. I could tell it was from Grant. It was definitely his handwriting and that's exactly the way he talks. I ran my hand across it. I knew he did the exact same thing after he wrote it. I could feel his hand. I can just imagine him writing this. I can see him sitting at his desk and trying to find the right words. He wasn't very good at writing. If I hadn't have did a large portion of his homework he would've failed English.

Ha. I remember that.

Staying up writing two reports on the same topic. Trying to come up with two sets of ideas. We were lucky that we're twins. The teacher assumed that was why our papers were always so alike. I just usually did English last so it was pretty late when I'd start them. She never knew the difference.

I'm glad he didn't ask me to help him write this. For probably the first time I wouldn't have any idea of what to say.

--

"Come on Jacob I'm hungry," I complained. Jacob was dragging me up on some cliff so he could get some kind of part from Embry's truck. While doing this he was also depriving me from my lunch. I'm not a very happy person when I'm hungry. That explains why I was never one of those stick thin girls. I eat all my meals.

"I'm sorry Soleil but I really need to get this part. This car was supposed to be done yesterday but I couldn't be cause I was with you," he pointed out.

"Take you time," I said guiltily. We pulled up and he told me to wait. That was 10 minutes ago. I decided to get out and see what was up. I was still hungry.

I saw everyone standing by the edge of the cliff. Idiots. Don't they know it's dangerous.

"Come on Jake just once. It's been a while," Embry said.

"Fine," he said. He walked closer to the edge. I didn't realize what I was doing but I started running. Not again. I wasn't fast enough and he jumped off. Then I saw Grant. I screamed as loud as I could. Everyone turned and stared at me.

"Soleil are you okay?" Quil asked as he walked over to me.

I started breathing faster. I couldn't control it. I grabbed Quil's arm. I opened my mouth but of course I couldn't speak. I wanted to yell for Jacob. I wanted to yell at all of them for letting Jacob do something so stupid like that. I wanted to yell at myself for letting that happen. Of course I wanted to cry too.

All I could so squeeze my necklace. I closed my eyes and told myself to breathe. But when I closed them all I saw was Grant hanging there lifeless. And when I opened them all I saw was Jacob jumping off the cliff.

I fell to the ground on my knees. I grabbed my chest. I wasn't breathing anymore. I was checking to make sure my heart was still beating. It was but to slow. I tried to concentrate on my breathing but it wasn't working. I thought I heard someone mumble something. I didn't hear it though. I was trying to block everything out so I could breath. That was my main objective at this point breathe.

Someone was shaking me. Thanks but you're not helping. I needed air now. But my lungs just weren't working anymore. I heard something again. It didn't matter. My eyes started closing and the darkness was taking me over. Was this it? Was it all over? Was I about to die? Good news is I'll finally see Grant again. Is it wrong to be excited?

--

I groaned. I felt like I was being watched. Was it Grant? I quickly opened my eyes and saw Jacob sitting across from me. He was the one who looked dead not me. He normally vibrant face was pale and lifeless. He looked emotionally drained. Well this tells me that I am not dead. Good right?

When he saw my eyes were open he lit up.

"Soleil," he said. He ran over to me and immediately hugged me. When he touched me I noticed I was cold before. "Are you okay?" he asked shaking. Oh God he was crying.

"I'm fine," I said. Then it all started coming back to me. I saw everything that happened again and my breath sped up. Jacob's face drained again and he called in a nurse. She put an oxygen mask on my face and told me to calm down. God would she shut up, she's not helping me concentrate. Jacob came over to me and held my hand. He was saying something but I had no idea what.

The oxygen mask was somewhat helping. Breathing was becoming a little bit easier. Now I could hear what Jacob was saying.

"Soleil, calm down. Calm down Soleil. It's alright. You're going to be fine. I'm here. I'm right here."

I used my other hand to squeeze my locket. Jacob's right. Calm down. Breathe.

In.. Two.. Three

Out.. Two.. Three

Repeat.

Okay I think I'm good now.

I didn't say anything. I was still trying to concentrate on my breathing. The nurse left the oxygen mask on my face. She was looking at my chart and writing things down. Jacob stood there watching me. I looked up into his eyes. It broke me to see how worried he looked. It broke me to know that I made him worry this much. I open my mouth to talk to him but he shook his head. He grabbed the chair and pulled it right next to me.

"Just rest. I'm right here."


	11. Pills

**Howdy:) Well here you go. I don't have much to say about this chapter. And about the French. I do not speak French so I used this free translator so to people who actually speak French I'm sure it's weird and wrong. If you know the right way could you tell me? I have translations at the bottom.**

* * *

I sighed. I remembered where I was. I hate hospitals. Well not hospitals themselves but I hate when I'm admitted in one. That blows. I guess I better talk to Jacob. I opened my eyes and smiled at him.

"Mornin' sunshine," he said smiling. He was still sitting with me holding my hand. He didn't look like he'd slept. Had he been up all night with me?

"Hey. Have you been here all night?" I asked.

"Of course," he replied immediately.

"You didn't have to do that," I said softly.

"Doesn't matter. I wanted to be here with you. You had me really scared you know," he said.

"I'm sorry about that. It was all my fault. I'm so stupid. I should've been taking my pills all this time instead of acting like I knew more than the doctor," I babbled quickly.

"Woah woah woah. Pills? For what?" he asked.

"Uhm anxiety pills," I said embarrassed.

"That was stupid. You could've been hurt really bad," he ranted.

"Again I'm sorry. And hey how'd I get here?"

"Ambulance. Paul called," he said annoyed. Paul? Really? I was going to have to remember to thank him for that. Tickets to some kind of sport game would probably be appreciated.

"Jacob why did you stay here last night?" I asked again.

"I told you last night. I'm here. And I wasn't gonna leave you alone in a hospital who knows what would go wrong. I don't think I can ever leave you alone now," he said.

I smiled and pulled him over kissing him. "Thank you."

He smiled and leaned back in his chair.

"You know my dad used to call me sunshine. Every morning he would say 'Goodmorning sunshine'," I said smiling.

"Isn't that normal?" he asked confused.

"I guess it's a pretty common thing. But I think you've forgotten that my names means 'sun'. It was something special for me," I explained.

"That's nice sunshine," he said laughing.

I rolled my eyes. "And then my family always called me Luna at night. They thought it was so clever," I said laughing.

"Soleil Luna Smith. Hah that's cute," he said smiling. That smile gets me every time.

Wait. "Oh my God did they call my parents!" I shouted.

"Uh I think one of the nurses might have," he said.

Fuck. I got the phone and dialed home.

"Hello, Smith Residence. Who's calling?" my mother asked in her cherry voice. God it's like 8 in the morning over there. I missed hearing her accent though.

"Uh hey mom it's Soleil," I said uncomfortably. I heard something fall. "Mom? Mom are you okay?"

"SHAWN!" she yelled. I heard that loud and clear. My mother and yelling just didn't seem normal though. He yelled something back and I heard them both pick up phones.

"Soleil, le bien-aimé vous est bien ? Qu'est-il arrivé?" my mother said. She always started speaking in French when she was worried. [1]

"Mère je suis bien. Mère rappèle le père n'est pas aisé en Français ," I reminded her. Jacob was looking at me like I was crazy. "Yes I speak French," I whispered to him. [2]

"Désolé désolé," she apologized. [3]

"I'm not exactly sure what your mother just said but Soleil are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes yes I'm fine. Everything's okay," I reassured them.

"The doctor said you had another panic attack," my mom said sadly.

"Yes I did mom."

"Have you been taking your medicine?" my dad asked.

"No but I'm going to start again immediately," I said.

"You better. You had us worried sick," he said.

"We don't know what we would've done if something had happened to you too," mom said.

"Look mom don't think that way alright. I'm fine now. You can stop worrying," I said.

"Alright, but the nurse said there was some boy there with you. Care to tell us about that?" he asked slyly.

"Oh dad I better go. The nurse says I can't be on the phone. Bye. Love you," I lied.

"Bye love you," they said in unison. I quickly hung up. I felt bad but I did not need Dad to start that with Jacob in the room. Way to embarrassing.

"Say something in French again," Jacob said.

"Why?" I asked skeptically.

"It's incredibly sexy," he said in a low voice.

"Shut up!" I shouted throwing my pillow at him. He caught it right before it hit his face and smiled. Damn that smile.

"Please," he begged.

I rolled my eyes. "Jacob, vous êtes aimé." [4]

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"I'm not telling," I said and stuck my tongue at him.

--

The hospital released me a few days ago. They wanted me to go to a psychiatrist. They said she could help with the panic attacks. Yeah I knew the drill. This wasn't my first time dealing with this.

"So when did you see a psychiatrist before?" Doctor Brown asked. She was really nice. Very pretty too. I liked her more than my other doctor already.

"Well back when I was 17 and after everything happened with my twin Grant I started acting really weird. At first I was having a lot of panic attacks. If I saw something that reminded me of him I'd freak out immediately. So my parents sent me to see a doctor.

"They gave me pills to control it. But when I started taking the pills I became extremely depressed. I barely left my bedroom. So they gave me antidepressants. That helped somewhat but I didn't think it was enough. Everything I saw reminded me of him.

"So I decided to go to college on the other side of the country. Things got a little bit better being farther away and I made some friends so that was good. But when I went home last summer I started having attacks again because I'd stopped taking my medicine. So this summer I stayed here. I figured if I stayed away from home I didn't have to take my pills anymore."

"Which pills? Both of them?" she asked.

"Yeah, both," I answered.

"And why don't you want to take them?" she asked.

"Well I hated the way my antidepressants made me feel you know. I didn't feel like me anymore. They were completely changing me so I stopped taking them. But I knew my other medicine would make me depressed so I stopped taking them too. I thought since I was so far away from everything that I'd be fine," I explained.

"And were you?" she inquired.

"Yeah, I was really good. I'd told my best friend Kim about Grant. Then I told my boyfriend and I didn't even freak out that bad. I was doing really well," I answered.

"Well what do you think brought this attack on?" she pressed. My breathing started speeding up again. Dammit not again. I'm getting so sick of this.

"Soleil calm down," she said slowly. "Count with me, in.. two.. Three.., out.. two.. three."

My breaths slowed and my temperature went back to normal. "Jacob was supposed to take me out to lunch. He needed to stop and get something from one of his friends," I explained slowly as she nodded her head.

"We were up on this cliff and he told me to wait and that he'd just be a minute. But it was like 10 minutes later and he wasn't back so I went out to get him. And I saw-"

"It's okay. Take it slow," she said.

"I-I saw him standing on the edge and his friends were saying things to him and he jumped off," I said.

"And how did you feel when he did that?" she asked.

"Mad. Terrified. Helpless."

"Why?"

"I felt mad at him because he did something so stupid. I was scared something was going to happen to him and he was hurt. I felt helpless because I was running towards him and wasn't fast enough," I said. This was enough to make me start crying. She handed me a box of Kleenex.

"Why would that bring on your panic attacks? I thought they were caused by Grant," she pressed.

"W-when he jumped I saw Grant there jumping with him. And then when I would close my eyes I saw Grant's lifeless body hanging in his room. And then I started imagining Grant doing that to himself. And I almost thought Jacob was doing the same thing and I couldn't let that happen again. I couldn't let someone else die right in front of me," I cried.

"So you think Grant's death was your fault?" she asked.

I handed her the letter Grant wrote me. "I know he says that I shouldn't blame myself, but what do you expect. In the letter he says that he was sick of me being better than him. He was sick of being in my shadow. He doesn't mention anyone else in the letter. The only reasons he says are because of me.

"My brother. My best friend killed himself and it was all my fault. It was almost as if I killed him with my own two hands," I cried.

She let me cry for a little while. I was glad for that. My last doctor talked a little too much.

"You know what I think this letter proves? I think it shows how much your brother really does love you. He was going to kill himself and he was still thinking about you. He was still worried about hurting your feeling. He was apologizing to you," she said.

"It's not fair. Why does he get to say sorry? I didn't. I never got to say sorry for the things I did to him. All the stupid fights we had. I never got to apologize for any of those. I never got to tell him how sorry I was that I made him feel this way. I never got to tell him how sorry I was for making him do something like that to himself. Why does he get to say sorry after he's already gone?"

* * *

**[1]Soleil are you okay? What happened?  
[2]Mother I'm fine. Remember father isn't fluent in French.  
[3]Sorry Sorry  
[4]Jacob, you are loved**


	12. I Love You

**Why hello there. Long time no see huh? Soo anyway I know it's been a while but yeah. Combine writter's block with a whole lot of drama and you've got no updates. So let's just pray that the next one come's sooner yeah?**

* * *

"I want you to go home."

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I want you to go home to Atlanta and see your family. I want you to visit your brother's grave and to visit your old house," Dr. Brown explained.

"What if someone lives there?" I asked. I was trying to avoid the last thing on that list.

"You figure it out when you get there. Today's over. See you soon," she said.

Damn that doctor. This is something that don't want to do whatsoever. I shouldn't do it. No, then she'll be mad at me. Maybe I'll just go home. And now I'm stuck calling my parents. How else can I get a plane ticket?

"Uh hey dad I was wondering if you'd buy me two plane tickets?" I asked.

"To where?"

"Uh you know, Atlanta," I explained.

"What? You're coming home? Soleil that's amazing. Of course I'll buy your tickets. Your mother will be so excited." He was rambling. Mom was brushing off on him.

"Hey could you not tell everyone else? Maybe it could be like a surprise?" I asked.

"Sure thing baby girl. I'll se you when you get home."

"Bye Dad."

----

"I'm going home," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm going home to Atlanta," I repeated.

"So you're just gonna leave like that?" he asked.

"I'm only going to visit silly," I laughed. "But uhm I asked my dad to get me two tickets."

"OK…"

"Well I want you to come with me," I admitted. I didn't want to leave him. He gave me too much security. "This whole ordeal is going to be really hard for me and I want you to be there to help me and stuff."

"You want me to come with you to stay with your family in Georgia?" he asked.

He seemed a little shocked. I was a little shocked too actually. At first I thought I'd take Kim but on the way home from the doctor I realized I wanted him with me. I wanted him there when I went back to the old house. "Yes," I replied.

"Sure thing," he said.

I let out a breath and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you," I whispered.

----

"I fucking hate planes," I complained. I leaned back in my seat and shut my eyes.

"Why?" Jacob asked.

"I happen to be deathly afraid of heights," I explained. I made sure to take a pill right before we got on the plane. I knew I'd need it.

"Oh I'm sorry," he said.

He managed to stay quiet but just as I was falling asleep he started fidgeting. A lot. "Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Nerves."

"What are you nervous about?" I asked.

"Meeting your parents," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. To most people it would be. Honestly I had forgotten that minor detail. I had a lot of other shit on my mind. Thanks Jacob. Now I have to be bothered with that.

In…two…three

Out…two…three

OK I'm calm now. Just try not to focus on the little things. Mom and dad will be so happy to see me they probably won't even notice Jacob. Exactly.

----

"Papa!" I shouted. I ran over to my dad and jumped into his arms.

"Soleil," he said, rubbing my head. He sat me and took a look at me. "You haven't changed a bit," he said.

"Neither have you. You didn't tell them did you?" I asked.

"No of course not. Don't you trust me?" he said smiling. He looked behind me and started frowning. Oh, right.

"Papa this is Jacob. My boyfriend," I said.

"What was that last part?" he asked, angered.

"Uhm, my boyfriend," I whispered.

*In the Car*

"Soleil I'm really disappointed in you," my dad said.

"Papa I said I was sorry. I wasn't even sure if he was going to come," I whined.

"Wait until your mother hears about this. And your brother! Oh this poor boy is in for it! Is that why you came home? So we could meet some boy you just met?" he shouted.

"Hey sir maybe you could stop that. It looks like you're making Soleil sad," Jacob suggested. Bad idea. My father slammed on the brakes and turned around. If looks could kill.

"Do not try to tell me how to raise my daughter! Do you hear me boy!" he yelled. I hate when he gets like this.

"Papa please don't. Not when I just got home," I whispered as I held onto my necklace. He looked down at it and turned back around without another word.

Dammit. Why do I have to cause all the problems? I made Grant kill himself and now I was making my dad angry. I should've just brought Kim. I shouldn't have come.

--

"Soleil?" Cain asked in disbelief.

"SOLEIL!" Cecilia shouted as she ran at me. She wrapped her arms around me and started squealing. Next Cain came and lifted us both up. I looked up and saw my mother in the doorway. She dropped this dish in her hand and ran towards me. I let go of my brother and sister and held her. She started crying.

"Mon bébé." She repeated over and over. _My baby._

"Mère," I whispered. _Mother._

----

"Wow Soleil he's really cute," Cecilia gushed.

I felt my face flush. "I know."

We both looked over at my mother as she violently chopped some carrots. She kept mumbling something to herself.

"She doesn't look to happy," Cecilia pointed out.

"I'm more worried about what Papa and Cain are doing to Jacob."

"Oh my fucking God!" Cain shouted. I jumped up and ran to the doorway.

"What?" I asked.

"Soleil look what you've done! I have to sleep on the couch now!" he complained.

"Why?" Cecilia asked.

"Well where else is Jacob going to sleep?" my mother asked.

"Can't he share with Soleil?" she asked innocently.

"Cece shut up please," I said with my head in my hands. She started giggling.

"Cecelia Violette Smith do you think this funny?" my father asked.

She cleared her throat. "Uhm no sir."

"Go to your room until dinner," he said.

"Awe but Papa it's only 5:30," she whined. He looked over at her and didn't have to say anything more. She ran straight to her room. I tried to creep out of the kitchen but my mother caught me.

"Where do you think you're going young lady?" she asked.

"Oh I uh figured I go to my room too," I explained.

"Ha, have a seat," she said point to a chair.

My parents didn't look very pleased with me. My father kept his eyes on Jacob. He looked even more angry than when they first met. If that's even possible. But my mother kept looking straight into my eyes. She looked more hurt than anything.

"Is this why you came home?" she asked slowly.

"Huh? What?" I asked.

"This boy. Did you only come home so we could meet some boy?" she asked. I saw that look of hurt again.

"Mère, no. I came home to get some closure. I just wanted Jacob here with me because I care about him," I explained.

"So your wanted to see your old mère?" she asked, brightening up.

"Of course. I've wanted to see you since the first day I left. But you know how I get," I said.

"Désolé," she said.

"I'm sorry too mom," I said, hugging her.

--

"I'm a horrible person," I said.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Come on. I drove Grant to kill himself, which in turn made the whole family miserable. Look what I've done to my mother by being gone so long. And look at my dad. You know he never acted like that before. Now even the smallest of things sets him off. Cecilia puts on a good face, but I know her to well. I know it hurts her. And I know that every time Cain sees me he can't help but see Grant. I make all their lives miserable. That's why I left and that's why I'm not coming back."

"Look I'd really like it if you stayed in Washington forever. But you can't just run away from your problems. That's why you came here in the first place. Now's your chance to fix thing so you can leave feeling like a new person without all that weight on your chest. You can start over. You can start being happy," he said.

I waited a bit before asking this, "When I start over, are you still gonna be there?"

"I'm gonna be there forever Soleil because I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered.


	13. Cemetery

**So uhm hey everybody. Bet you're all wondering what happened to me. Uhh yeah so I've got no excuses. Sorry x1,000,000 for my absence and lack of updates. Hopefully this will get me back into the swing of things. Sorry yet again. I've got some more story ideas but none will be posted until I'm like halfway done with them because we all know how I'm bad at updating. So uhm yeah. If you don't catch it the italics is a flashback and i had to use the dashes so it didn't look too confusing.**

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_"The moment of truth," Grant said. "Who's nervous?"_

_"Well you know I'm not," I answered smirking._

_"What about you Cain?" Grant and I asked simultaneously._

_"God could you to stop with the freaky twin shit for a second! I'm freaking out man!" he sputtered._

_"What freaky twin shit?" we asked again._

_"Oh, you mean when we-_

_"Finish each other's sentences?" We both burst into laughter. _

_"Aw come on Cain. I'm sure it isn't that bad," I consoled._

_"I bet it is," Grant said._

_"I hate both of you," Cain said with his face in his hands._

_"You three stop they're coming," Cecilia said._

_Grant and I were laughing when our parent walked into the kitchen._

_"Well kids we've got your report cards," Papa said._

_"I'm so excited," Mama said clapping her hands. I heard Grant gulp._

_"Let's start with Grant. Hm, five A's and two B's. Not bad son. Not bad at all," Dad said smiling._

_"Thanks," Grant said smiling._

_"My bébé," Mama said placing a kiss on his cheek._

_"Alright next is Soleil. Ah straight A's. That's my girl," Papa said. _

_I gave him a kiss. "Thanks you Papa." Mama came over and gave me a hug. _

_"Cecilia, all A's and one B. Good job sweetheart," Papa said._

_"Thank you Papa," Cecilia said smiling._

_"Alright Cain. Let's get this over with. OK we've got one A, two B's, three C's, and one D. Well I'm sorry Cain but I'm going to need your car keys," Papa said holding out a hand._

_"Oh come on dad I've got a date tomorrow. I need my car," he complained._

_"Well you'll get that car back once you improve these grades," Papa explained._

_"Cain sweetheart we all know that you can do better work thank this," Mama said._

_"Yes Mama I know. I'll try harder next time," he said._

_The rest of us rolled our eyes._

_"We know you will. Now everyone out so I can make dinner," Mama said pushing out of the kitchen._

_--_

"I don't think I can do this," I said shaking my head.

"Yes you can Soleil. Come on you've made it this far," Jacob encouraged.

I took a deep breath and looked before me. The cemetery. And I had a bouquet of flowers in my arms. I took very slow strides to the gate. When I got inside I started counting. I knew the exact number of steps to the grave. 278.

_Here Lies Grant Stern Smith_

_A loving son, brother, and friend_

_1989-2006_

I kneeled on the ground and ran my fingers across his name. I sat the flowers down next to it.

--

_"Tag you're it," I said to Grant. As soon as I tagged him I started running as fast as I could. I looked back to see where he was. He was right behind me._

_"Too slow Soleil," he shouted. _

_I wrinkled my nose and started running faster. I just needed to go a little bit faster. _

_"Now you're it," he laughed._

_I turned around and pouted at him. "Grant Stern Smith I'm never playing tag with you again!" I exclaimed._

_"Why not?" he asked, confused._

_"Because you always win," I whined._

"Uh hey Grant," I said biting my lip. "I know you probably wouldn't want me to cry but I can't help it. I miss you like crazy. You left me here all alone. And then you left that stupid letter. You made it seem like this is all my fault. And I mean I know it isn't.

"And I forgive you, even though you didn't do anything wrong. I've been hurting you my entire life. I just wish you would've came to me. I would've given everything up for you Grant. I would've done anything to stop you from doing what you did. I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to protect you. Please find it in your heart to forgive me."

--

_BANG! The gun sounded and we all started running. I could do this. I'd been training for this moment. I would get first place in the 200 meter dash. Just keep your eyes on the prize. I was nearing the end so I started pushing hard. Rip. Shit! I kept running but came in second. I bent over to breathe easier and looked at Grant. He was in the same position as me but he was smirking._

_"Grant Stern Smith you always win," I whined in between pants._

_--_

After I finished I kissed my necklace and stood up. I tried to pull myself together as I walked back to Jacob. When he saw me he smiled.

He opened his arms to give me a hug but i shook my head and walked past him.

"Can we just go?" I asked through tears. I knew this would be hard but i had no idea that it'd be like this. I just wanted to get away from everything, but i couldn't. Next we were supposed to go to my old house. But i don't think i can do this. I'm not strong enough to go there. I need Grant to do this.

"Hey are you alright?" he asked.

"Of course not," I replied. We were sitting in the car and it was silent. "Just take me home," I said.

"I thought we were going to your old house," he said.

"I don't wanna. Can't we just go tomorrow?" I asked.

"Come on Soleil you have to do this," he answered.

"And I will. Tomorrow," I explained. I wish he'd just back off. He doesn't understand what I'm going through.

"I don't know," he said slowly.

"What do you mean? You act like this is so simple. You have no idea what I'm going through. You don't understand how hard this is for me," I said.

"You're right," he said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"When my mom died i was pretty young. Of course i was hurt, but i was to young to be truly affected by it. I have no idea how you feel. I don't know what it's like to have to most important person in my life die. But I do know what it's like to see them hurting. I hate seeing you like this Jay. I just want you to be happy again," he said.

"Jake, I don't think I can be happy anymore. I'm not the same Soleil I used to be."

--

_"Grant you know I'm always gonna be there for you no matter what," I said._

_"Yeah I know. And I'm gonna be there for you too Soleil," he answered._


End file.
